Thursday, September 15, 2011

Alone Time


Well fuck dude I think you’re pretty rad too.  I fucking miss the last night of camp, just fucking thinking….was just so great.  I think it was then that I realized how important alone time really is.  I mean it took me hours of time alone just thinking about what we had discussed.  Luckily for you readers you’ll get to see those conversations in some form or another.
There were a few times this past summer I realized that without any time alone, to sit and think, my life was going, well, no where.  The worst part was, I was completely unaware.  I would get up every morning, go to work, race home when I was finished, jump right in the shower and then fly out the door to go out with friends.  I always knew what I had to do, and had my priorities straight but was making no progress in getting them done.  One night I remember I came home, high as shit, to my dad sitting at the kitchen table.  As I heated up some left over dinner (classic) he began to ask me questions about things I was supposed to do in the weeks prior.  “Did you make your eye doctor appointment? What about your dentist appointment? Did you pay those speeding tickets? Did you bring the soda to the basement like I asked?.”  Then it hit me.  I didn’t do any of those things. Fuck.  So I woke up the next day, and got my shit straight.  I learned how important it was for me to take time out of my day, some how between work and my social life, to just think.  Because if not, I was going nowhere fast.  With my alone time I scheduled my days better, understood what was most important, and could even figure out what kind of person I wanted to be.  Really with your alone time you can do anything.  There were days I got up early just to go for a run.  Yeah I was about to work an 11-hour shift but…fuck it.  I would much rather wake up earlier and feel energized, experience the beautiful summer weather, and just think rather than sleep.  Sometimes I would read, sometimes-just sit.  It never mattered.  In my time spent alone I could learn, I could mature.
Sam, I don’t feel bad about you being alone in a foreign country. What so ever.  It is so important you take that time and appreciate it, because one day you may not have any fucking time, and you’re going to wish you spent those days thinking, and learning, and maturing.  And I know that’s why you do it.
Being alone has brought me serenity.  Peace and happiness even.  I did learn who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go with my life.  And the more alone time I take the more passionate I feel about it.  Having my Dad just sit there and look at me like I was doing absolutely nothing with my life, fucking sucked.  I realized how important my time is and I never want to waste any of it.  Not a second.  I want every minute I am on this Earth to be a learning experience.  I want to appreciate as much as I possibly can because there are so many beautiful things in this world.
This passion gave me a sort of, control I’d say, over your “being”.  You begin to understand the power you can have in this world, in YOUR world.  I think it is so difficult for teens, and even anyone these days, to really know themselves and what they want.  Everyone is so cluttered by the social standards that people are never happy with themselves.  Their goals are not self-oriented; they are either driven by family or “friends”.  But I don’t mean to patronize, by any means.  It is so damn difficult to be your own being when there are so many things pulling you in different directions. 
Taking alone time makes you fucking punk.  It made me realize that those things, don’t fucking matter to me.  That I don’t have to conform and I took that control of my life and said fuck it.  Take some fucking alone time.  Think.  Don’t be scared, I know its frightening to imagine just being alone with our thoughts but I seriously think it can help a person gain so many things.  Just say fuck it.

Heard That
- Jordan

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